December 26, 2005Just Ducky Pattern NotesThis post is a suprisingly hard one to write. It's a round-up* of the Christmas presents that I made for my estranged parents. I made these gifts for them in an attempt to reach out and do something personal that might be meaningful for them. I thought at the time that it wouldn't matter if they didn't do anything for me in return, and perhaps in the long run, it won't. I have a wonderful husband, in-laws who spoil me rotten, and a "chosen" family of friends who are always there for me. Parents are people, and perhaps they cannot always do the things that we would like them to. Someday I will learn to accept them as they are. Giving is the important part, and I did feel good making these things for them. Why the Duck?! (or is that 'What the Duck?!') So we piled into the station wagon (a Chrysler LeBaron with fake wood panelling - you remember the 80's), and headed for Wilson Seed & Feed on Richmond, Virginia's south side, to procure ourselves a duckling. What we did not know when we set out on this quest was that Richmond, booming metropolis that it was, had a bit of a duck problem. Apparently many little boys of my brother's ilk had a need in their hearts to have a duckling of their own. Until, that is, the duckling in question grew up, reaching a height of approximately two and a half feet (much bigger than a cat) and produced sounds not unlike that of a group of third graders practicing for marching band. The grown (and hence outgrown) ducks of new height and impressive noise capacity would then be whisked away under cover of night by the soccer moms of our town, and deposited in the park (ironically "Byrd Park") to fend for themselves, disturbing the neighbors with their trumpeting and harassing park-goers for food. To protect its citizens from the menace of the abandoned ducklings, the city had enacted an ordinance geared to limiting the purchase of duckings to only the most serious of buyers (restauranteers): it was ordained that ducklings could only be purchased in quantities of six or greater. Most mothers might find themselves daunted at the prospoect of owning, not just one, but half a dozen ducklings. In fact, I believe that in THE GREAT BIG BOOK OF PARENTING DILEMNAS there is an entire chapter devoted to broken promises, and how to explain that in this life mommy and daddy cannot possibly keep every promise that they have made, because if they did, their house would be over-run with ducks. Needless to say, my mother has never taken a chapter from THE GREAT BIG BOOK OF PARENTING DILEMNAS. She instead, almost without pause, purchased six ducks. And, for about two months (the time period required for the ducks to reach their full adult height and lung capacity), we owned six ducks. I think I have said before that we lived within the city limits. We did not have an inordinate amount of land, and the land we had was not fenced with anything, let alone the kind of fencing that would be required to contain six ducks. What we did have was an unfinished basement (cement floors with a drain in the middle - thank god for small favors), and several very deep bathtubs. So for these two months we kept the ducks in their space in the basement the majority of the time, with several daily jaunts up and down the stairs (all in single file, following my brother) to the bathtub for a little swim. It was an idyllic time. The only one who was not pleased with this state of affairs (I was 13 at the time, so old enough to know that my mother's decision was a little off, but still young enough to think of it as "cool"), was my father, who did not find the copious duck poop that then lined our basement to be the most charming addition to what had previously been his personal wood-working shop and sanctuary. He blew off steam by occasionally shouting out something vaguely accusatory about all the damn 'duck butter,' which was his euphamism for the duck poop that was rapidly filling our house. Why my father chose this instance to wax poetic and euphamize I will never know. He has never been a man to mince words and he has the mouth of a sailor, so this was certainly a strange time for him to hold back. In his position I am quite sure that I would let fly with the explitives. But while the ducks did not stick (they were finally and tearfully sent to a friend's horse farm equipped with a pond out in Goochland), the Duckbutter did. It was a nickname that my brother christened him with (most likely in retaliation for the departure of the ducks), and that my father grew to love over time and feel was symbolic of their bond. We have called my father Duckbutter, Duckie or some variation of the two for over twenty years now. It's hard to remember a time when we referred to him as 'dad'. The name became even more precious with the passing of my brother about four years ago. It is one of the small legacies of my brother that continues to live on regardless of the passing of time, or the changes in our lives and relationships with each other. Hence, the duck. Just Ducky Pillow Size: One. About 7"x10" The Pattern I got a little off course, and ended up with a duck that has a rather primitive look about the head and bill. One of my knitting buddies at Knit Cafe, Denise Boutier (aka "Grandma Hollywood" - but that's another story), referred to it as a ptera'duck'tyl - which I love! I considered ripping back and revising it, but decided that my parents, who have some primitive art here and there, would probably like it as is. I did a little stitching around the edges to even things out, but I have a feeling that might have made it more, rather than less, dinosaurian. I loved dong the intarsia on this piece, and I've realized, to my own complete suprise, that there is more intarsia (just a little, tastefully done) in my future. I had a great time!
Impressions of Rowan's Wool Cotton: *I had plans to write about my mom's gift as well, but after a post of this length, I'm tuckered out. I'll post some pictures later this week. Posted by Julia at December 26, 2005 09:06 AMIn designs | just ducky pillow | main | pattern notes | sam | waxing poetic
Comments
that's a beautiful story and a lovely pillow. i really like it's primitive look! Posted by: shobhana at December 31, 2005 06:55 AMwhat a touching story. i think knitting is a great way to reach out to people. i hope it gives you and your parents what you all need. have a wonderful new year filled with peace, love and happiness. and yarn, of course :) Posted by: jody at December 31, 2005 04:26 AMI love the pillow and the story! Most of all, I love the beautiful, loving gesture you made. I hope it is well-received and brings you peace. Happy Holidays and New Year! Posted by: Julie at December 28, 2005 07:20 PMI hope you are enjoying the holidays. Family things...well...I have them too. Sometimes it is just hard around the holidays. It seems so wrong when the world is telling you to be happy. :::hugs:::: Posted by: Mary at December 28, 2005 03:31 PMI am estranged from my parents too - I think what you did is awfully brave. Posted by: Tiffany at December 28, 2005 02:26 PMI loved your beautiful story. It was more special because I live in Richmond. When I was growing up in Culpeper, Va. we got three ducks for Easter and my parents ended up eating them because they wouldn't stay out of my mother's bushes! Happy New Year! jane Posted by: jane at December 28, 2005 08:33 AMThank you for sharing this story, and in particular for your very thoughtful first paragraph before starting in on "what the duck." Food for thought... Posted by: Chris at December 27, 2005 02:05 PMThe gift is beautiful and I think it is wonderful that you are sharing it - and the pattern - with us. It's a wonderful way to reach out to your parents. Happy holidays, Julia. xo, I'm echoing everyone else by saying thank you for sharing your stories with us all. I think the six ducks in the basement is such a great mental image, but bittersweet in the context of the rest of your tale. I hope your parents and you can reach some kind of happy medium. Posted by: mia at December 26, 2005 08:45 PMSuch a calming project-- in subject matter, delicious wool/cotton (I agree, possibly the best yarn ever.) and ducky memories. I hope your family woes get better with age, or at least with knitting projects. There was a great story in the December Real Simple about an estranged mom that helped me out a little. Best wishes. Posted by: Rachel at December 26, 2005 06:45 PMThe pillow is wonderful, both in form and in what went behind it. It's so hard to find a balance with parents who aren't what we need them to be, and sometimes distance is best all around. Kudos to you for trying to bridge the gap a little and reach out. It may not affect them, but if it brings any amount of peace to you, that alone is worth it. Posted by: Kathy at December 26, 2005 06:03 PMWhat a fabulous story and a pretty pillow. I'm glad you have such a wonderful "acquired family". I hope this New Year brings you great things :) Posted by: Amy Boogie at December 26, 2005 03:01 PMJulia, you made a lovely, thoughtful gift. The gesture of the gift was equally as lovely. I truly believe that we are what we do in the world, not what the world has done to us. Bravo for your spirit of giving and forgiveness. I hope you have a wonderful new year. As I took a break from composing my own bitter-sweet story of family, I found yours and several others amoung my favorite bloggers. I believe there is healing through these stories that we share with each other. Though acceptance both of ourselves and our families. And through sharing our tender feelings. Thank you for sharing, Julia. Posted by: Leah at December 26, 2005 10:36 AMYes, thank you for sharing your story. I also understand problems with parents. And I think it is wonderful that you are trying to reach out to them. It's a very difficult thing to do sometimes. Hope you had a great holiday. P.S. My duckism: When I am going to do something just to try it out to see if it will work, I say that I'm doing it "just for ducks". Posted by: Disentangled at December 26, 2005 09:56 AMI frequently respond "I'm just ducky" when asked how I'm doing so it's really funny to hear that my duck billed platitude is someone else's nickname. I hope everything was well received. Hope your holidays are going well. I'll see you in the new year :) Posted by: Marnie at December 26, 2005 07:45 AMIt's beautiful, Julia. :) Posted by: Jen. at December 26, 2005 07:11 AMJulia - thanks so much for sharing your stories. Six ducks in the basement is definitely a story for the ages! I so understand troubled relationships with our parents - so hard - but I hope this gift gives you some peace. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas! And Happy Chanukah! L, C Posted by: Cara at December 26, 2005 07:10 AM |