January 06, 2008

Wash Day: My Knitting Heritage

A while ago, I asked my mom to send me some of the handknits that my grandmother made for my brother and I when we were little. My mom sent a smocked coat, two cardigans and three hats. All of the items had seen fresher days after spending thirty-some years tucked away in a drawer, but they were lovely nonetheless.

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Smock coat for a granddaughter long grown.

This weekend I was inspired to wash the smock coat and a little garter stitch hat with Scottie dog buttons on it. The little hat was worked flat, seamed, and then pulled into a crown at the top with a delicate drawstring. I realized that the best way to wash it would be to untie the drawstring and flatten the hat, so that the wool wash could get into all the nooks and crannies. I did so very carefully, but it was still a bit bitter sweet. I am sure that the last hands to tie this little string were my grandmother's, over 30 years ago. It was a strange, forbidden-feeling sensation to undo something that she had done. Especially knowing what a perfectionist she was. I persevered only because I knew that it was the only way to fully clean, and thus preserve, her work.

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Little Scottie dog hat, close and far.

It has been really interesting to have my grandmother's knitting, so long out of my sight, here in my hands. There were things that I knew already. My grandmother detested setting sleeves and always knit raglan sweaters to avoid seaming the sleeves to the main body of the sweater. She knit with brightly-colored aluminum needles kept in a red plaid tin, which she carried everywhere. She liked texture, and often knit cables into her pieces. She often made those cables into bunnies and owls. (One of the cardigans my mother sent has those owls on it.) The bunnies had little pompoms for tails. She knit a lot of cardigans, and most of the pieces that I remember were in a single, solid color. I never saw her knit lace. I never saw her use circular or double-pointed needles. (Which could explain the flat construction of the Scottie dog hat.) Oh, yes - she liked Scottie dogs. All the women in the family seemed to have a predilection for little Scottie dogs in the 1970's. I'm not sure if that was in vogue, or if it was inspired by my cousin Scott - often called Scottie in his youth. (As an adult he goes by Scooter - go figure. *smile*).

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The raglan sleeves my grandmother loved.
But there were other things I didn't know. I thought that she knit almost exclusively with wool-like acrylic. All the knits my mother sent are 100% cotton (which is probably why my mother, fiber-snob that she is, saved them). And the perfectionist - the grandmother who was never wrong - knit with uneven tension. I feel a little blasphemous even writing that. But it's true. Now to be fair to her, these knits are cotton, so they show everything. But still. The unevenness didn't come out with blocking, either. It was endearing to me that the woman who taught me to knit, and who was so very strict about how it should be done knit so much less evenly than I do. She even misplaced a few yoke decreases!

I think one of the worst things about losing someone you love is that there are all these questions - silly, mundane things - that you want to be able to ask them about themselves. And, of course, there is the corresponding pain of not being able to share things about your life with them. My grandmother never knew that I became an avid knitter - as passionate a knitter as she was. Although she taught me to knit at six, I completed one small potholderish-looking garter square, and then did not pick it up again until my late teens, when she was already afflicted by Alzheimer's and no longer accessible to her family in the same way. And I never got to talk to her about millions of knittish things - how she knit those bunnies, if she worked from patterns or designed. Was she influenced by Barbra Walker and Elizabeth Zimmerman? Did her mother (also Julia) knit? Many of these questions will go forever unresolved. The one thing I do know is something that she probably would never have told me in real life - she made mistakes. And somehow that brings her more to life than almost anything else I could learn.

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The whole shebang, drying alongside a few swatches.

The last time I saw my grandmother was when I stopped to see her on my way back home from Chicago for the holidays sometime during college. She was in a nursing home by then, and had few lucid days. I went to see her with my Aunt Pinky (Scooter's mom - again, go figure!), and we found her in the midst of a "good day". Although she was unable to speak due to a recent stroke, she clearly recognized Pinky as her daughter. I honestly don't know if she recognized me or not. I was still transitioning from child to woman at that point, so it is likely that she did not. But her eyes teared up and she reached for me. We hugged, and as I pulled back she held onto my sweater. It was not a sweater that I had knit, but it was clearly handmade of a chucky, colorful yarn. The link was unmistakable.

Posted by Julia at January 6, 2008 07:37 PM
In kiddie knits | knitting heritage | main | waxing poetic

Comments

this is such a touching post. and so thoughtful. i hadn't considered what we learn about others through the creative efforts they leave behind. i hope this doesn't sound flakey but my sense is that your grandmother did in fact know who you were when she saw you last.

it was my grandmother who taught me to knit too and i wish i knew who it was who taught her to knit. i still remember how uninterested i was the day she taught me to knit, i wanted to play in the trees with my brother instead. she died long before i returned to knitting but i think she would be pleased now.

thank you again for this post.

Posted by: michele at January 10, 2008 07:06 PM

Great post about your Grammy and her knitting. I treasure my knitting connection with my Gram.

Posted by: Amy Boogie at January 10, 2008 12:05 PM

What a beautiful post. One of my grandmothers was also a knitter, but sadly none of what she knit for my father and his brothers has survived the passing years...doubly sadly, I was never able to meet her as she passed away long before I was born. But when I started to knit seriously, my father told me how much the socks I made him reminded him of her, and that he cherished them all the more for it. These kinds of links, through families and through the ages, are part of what make handcrafts and handmade gifts so very special.

Posted by: Celine at January 8, 2008 02:07 PM

Such a lovely post. You're so lucky to have these pieces that your grandma knit for you. It means so much to have treasures like these, to remember loved ones by. The connection is undeniable, especially, I'm sure, when you can touch and hold these special garments that she also held and created.

Posted by: Nonnahs at January 8, 2008 08:43 AM

I really enjoyed reading your post~ I'm the first person in the family knitting really, but a few of us like to work with our hands. While many of us in the country don't really appreciate these little things that are handed down from generation to generation, I have a tabletop shelf my father made when I was a little girl and it's sitting in my bedroom today. since I won't be the recepient, I hope one day my handmade projects would be passed down in my family too.

Posted by: ayumi at January 7, 2008 09:29 PM

I know exactly how you feel on this one. My grandfather just died before Christmas, and my grandmother (on the other side of the family) is slipping deeper and deeper into Alzheimer's. She was a crocheter and a quilter, fabricator of beautiful items for my family for years. I think I've already missed the opportunity to thank her for all of the things she made for me, to tell her how my boyfriend and I use the very first quilt she ever made on our bed, and how we're loving it to pieces (literally). I can only hope that the same feeling that I have when I give something I've made to someone who really loves it is something that she's felt. Then it won't be so bad.

Posted by: Jinger at January 7, 2008 04:25 PM

Beautiful! Thank you for sharing.

Posted by: Saralyn at January 7, 2008 12:53 PM

I love this post, and love the hand knitted piece your grandmother did years ago... My mom still has some dresses from where I was a child.... however, my little fabric doll, my mom did for me, is gone .... I used to carry it wherever I went! I did remember some beautiful sweaters my grandma knitted for me... Not sure where they are... Those little treasures are completly priceless... I am glad you have yours.

Posted by: Paty Fontes at January 7, 2008 12:18 PM

What a very sweet story. Thank you for sharing some of your knitting history.

Posted by: Wanda at January 7, 2008 11:00 AM

Such lovely family heirlooms! I hope you will share some more of them in time.

Quick question: how did your grandmother knit raglan sweaters if not on circulars? Do you think she avoided them by primarily knitting cardigans?

Posted by: Grace at January 7, 2008 10:28 AM

Ah, what treasures! I often wonder what my mother would think of my knitting, so different from her own.

Posted by: Amy at January 7, 2008 10:12 AM

Thank you for sharing such lovely thoughts about your grandmother. Your story made me tear up. I learned to knit from my Great Aunt Dorothea Kelley and I still have a few of the Barbie doll outfits she knit for me when I was a little girl. She died when I was still in grade school, long before the seeds she planted bloomed. I too wish she could see what a gift knitting is in my life. She would be so proud and happy as would your grandmother. I have a feeling they are guiding us even now :)

Posted by: Cassie at January 7, 2008 07:28 AM

Thank you for such a lovely post. I lost my grandmother about 25 years ago and still think of things I'd like to talk to her about. Your grandmother's handwork was exquisite, regardless of the "mistakes."

Posted by: Jennifer at January 7, 2008 06:51 AM

Eesh, I wasn't expecting to choke up so early in the morning. Her pieces are just lovely and I search almost every handknit for little signs of their maker's idiosyncrasy. It's such a personal thing to find those missed decreases or uneven tension but it's also what makes those items special.
I am sure your grandmother would have been honored to know what you've done from her initial teachings.

Posted by: Marnie at January 7, 2008 06:43 AM

thanks for this post. my grandmother is quite close to passing on, and while not a knitter, she did teach me the value of handmade heirlooms...it was wonderfully timely to read this.

Posted by: joy at January 7, 2008 06:42 AM

Thank you for treating things I've treasured and saved for many years with such care and reverence. How splendid that you have the knowledge to correctly care for them. (I would have been afraid to take out the string for fear I wouldn't know how to get it back again!) Your grandmother would love that. But grandmother would have told you about her mistakes - because she told me about them as she gave me the coat. All I could see was a magnificent coat. She was a bit disappointed that her labor was not perfect. It's another gift that you not only treasure the coat, but all of her that is stitched up in it. Beautiful post.

Posted by: Mom at January 7, 2008 06:33 AM

My maternal grandmother taught me to knit, but it was my paternal grandmother that was the genius knitter. The whole time my grandmom was teaching me, she talked about how talented my nana was. I remember that we all had aran sweaters and ponchos and knits in general, but I have no memory of her knitting, which makes me sad. I've long surpassed the grandmother who taught me to knit (her words, not mine) and like to think that it's my paternal grandmother who speaks through my needles.

Thanks for sharing your grandmother's knits.

Posted by: Cara at January 7, 2008 06:28 AM

I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's 8 years ago (after a 12 year battle!) She was not a knitter, but was one of the funniest people I've ever met. I wish I had something to hold on to of hers--you are fortunate!

Posted by: linda at January 7, 2008 05:36 AM

Beautiful post. You must have felt like the archaeologists opening King Tut's tomb untying that drawstring! It makes the mind boggle to wonder if decades from now one's descendants were to inherit some of today's knits; what would they be able to know about us?

Posted by: Meg at January 6, 2008 10:43 PM

this is what knitting gives us, isn't it? that instant connection to her, that knowledge of her motions and actions that were specifically for you, preserved now in your hands. what a beautiful post.

Posted by: mamie at January 6, 2008 10:11 PM

This tugs at my heart.

Posted by: Punkin at January 6, 2008 09:30 PM

Take this knowing that I am still a little post-partum crazy, but this post made me cry. I lost my grandmother a week after my son was born (after loosing my grandfather and two grandparents in my husbands family while I was pregnant) and it really hurt me that I had not seen her in years and was totally unable to go to her services. I know that even if I had been to see her, she would not have recognized me, but I still wish things could have been different. But when my mother came back from the services, she brought back quilts, clothes and toys that my grandmother had made decades before, and now they decorate my sons room. Handcrafts are such a wonderful legacy!

Posted by: Elizabeth at January 6, 2008 09:28 PM

It was neat reading this post. I lost my grandmother in 2003. I was pregnant with my first child and she never got to meet her. I think about that sometimes, but I mainly think about how she never knew that I knit. I started knitting about 4 months after Brooke was born. I pretty much took right to it, even though I have tons more to learn (patience being one). Anyway, I didn't even know that she knit, so now that I've learned that about her it makes me want to knit that much more, because I feel it brings me closer to her. I understand though about wanting to ask questions. Just to sit with her for an afternoon knitting and talking would be so wonderful!

Posted by: Cathy at January 6, 2008 08:43 PM

Wow, thank you for sharing this great story...so well said. The little outfit your grandmother knit is beautiful, from the color to the style to the detailing...just really lovely. Do you think you'll preserve them or hand them on to a little one?

Posted by: Julia at January 6, 2008 08:38 PM